So the majority of my posts on here are based around finance and being a doctor and stuff like that. However, since I’ve decided to come back and write some more posts again, I think I want to include what I consider to be “Dadisms”. This means I am going to share some things I’ve learned over my 44 years on Earth.
Early Days
Since I was a child, I’ve been blessed with a good memory. One of my teachers even told my parents that I probably have a near-photographic memory. It helped me a lot during my younger years, since the majority of elementary school was focused on memorization.
However, things change when it comes to middle school and beyond. Rather than focusing on memory, concepts and manipulation of concepts are more important. Essentially, it requires a higher level of learning and understanding. This came as a shock to me in middle school because I couldn’t just soar to the top of the class based on memory alone.
For me, and I assume for most kids, middle school was a wake up call that I wasn’t as special or as smart as I thought I was. I struggled in early middle school because I stupidly thought I could just brute force my way to the top relying on my good memory. It was not until later that I realized that the vast majority of the “honors kids” that I was with also were blessed with photographic or near-photographic memories. The difference was that these kids were challenged earlier than I was and already knew how to study.
Pre-Algebra Honors
My wife and kids are probably sick of hearing this story from me, but basically, my defining moment in middle school came from my very first test in Pre-Algebra Honors.
However, before we get to that, a little more background is necessary. As a 6th grader in elementary school, if you asked any kid “Who’s the smartest kid in your class?” Every single kid would have said my name without a second thought. I am not saying this to be arrogant or brag. This was just simply how it was in my school. I was “the smartest”. I also really dislike the term “smart”, but we’ll get to that later.
Anyways, I finished out 6th grade at the top my class, essentially untouchable from anyone else. Then I enrolled in Pre-Algebra Honors and English Honors and all the normal “honors track” classes that 7th graders would take.
The expectation was that I would continue to do what I did in 6th grade and be at the top of the class, just by doing what I had been doing before. The first days of school went by and I thought I knew what I was doing. Then the first Pre-Algebra test came and I got a:
D
Yes, that’s right. I got a big, fat, huge, enormous D. Not even a D+… closer to a D- if anything. I don’t remember the exact score, because it wasn’t given as a percentage, but I do know that it was out of 36. I’m going to guess it was a 22 or 23 out of 36. This would be the first time in my life I got anything less than an A, anything less than even 95% on any single worksheet, quiz, test, anything.
For comparison, the kid who got the highest score, got a 37/36. Yes, every test had extra credit which was significantly more difficult than the “regular” content. For context, that kid ended up transferring to Exeter on a scholarship in high school, went to Harvard, got an MD/PhD, and he’s an EP cardiologist now. IIRC he also scored like a 1440 on the PSAT when we were in 8th grade. Long story short, he was extremely bright.
Why do I bring all this up?
My point is that middle school opened my eyes to the world. This was me:
I’ve never read this particular book, but of course, I know the moral of the story.
The best way I can sum it up is: “You don’t know what you don’t know.”
I thought I was super smart for all of elementary school. However, coming to middle school I realized I was just the “frog in the well”, never having any idea of how big the world was, is, and will be. My middle school had 9 different elementary schools feed into it. The top kids from those schools all went into the honors track. I was just “one of many”.
Acceptance
After receiving that D, it was difficult for me to come to terms with my own weakness. I searched for someone to blame. I tried to rationalize that this was a one time mistake. However, time waits for no one. The next test was 2 weeks away… and I was still lost. So I asked my dad for help. The conversation went something like this:
“Dad, I’m struggling.”
“Did you try your best? Is this your best?“
“Uh… I think so?”
“If this is your best, then maybe this is just as far as you go. Is it?“
I didn’t have a proper answer at the time. However, I found my answer later.
“It’s not.”
Only after that conversation with my dad did I come to terms with the fact that this wasn’t my best. What I had been doing so far was “enough.”. Being so blessed with a good memory, I never needed to work hard. I just needed to do “good enough” to be the best.
Now, here in middle school, my “good enough” wasn’t enough anymore. I needed to accept that. The frog in the well had to realize that there are people smarter than him, know more than him, and that the world is simply much bigger than he thought.
Studying
Now we can finally get to the topic at hand, which is studying. After I came to terms with the fact that I wasn’t trying my best, I dedicated myself to actually trying my best. For the first time in my life, I actually studied. I didn’t just look at the books once, memorize everything, and then just get everything right on the test. I wanted to learn and know the content.
So let me tell you something:
Studying sucks.
Like it really sucks a lot. Do you know why I call it the “Art of Studying”? It’s because it’s different for different people. You really need to understand what kind of person you are. How do you learn? What method helps you remember? What method makes apply the concepts correctly every time.
The method for me is NOT LYING TO MYSELF.
When you study, you constantly test yourself to see if you remember the information, the concept, the application, etc. If you test yourself, only you know whether you would have been able to reproduce the results on a test. I had a habit of getting something wrong when testing myself, but would incorrectly assure myself that I would “get it right on the test”. For me, this was horribly incorrect. If I didn’t get it right in my own self-test, I would inevitably get it wrong on the real test.
That is when I came to the realization that Studying is a lesson in humility. You need to be able to accept the things you don’t know right now, but want to learn, and then focus on those things. It’s not fun, and for many accepting your weakness is painful. However, studying the things you already know, will make you feel good about yourself, but you won’t have learned anything.
So how do I find out what method of studying works for me?
It may seem complicated, but it’s actually not. Try all the methods that exist. Whichever one feels the most painful and sucky to you is the right one. That is the one that makes you confront your own weakness and that is the one that will help you get better.
“If studying doesn’t suck, you’re not doing it right.”
But isn’t studying supposed to be fun?
No.
“No” is a complete sentence. When I was in high school, college, and even medical school, there were lots of people who had beautiful notes. Like literally beautiful. They were neat, in multiple different colors, with tabs, different color highlights, table of contents, a color key, etc. etc. For some people, that worked for them because they liked organization and that was how they learned the best. However, some of these people spent way too much time on “organization of studying” instead of actually studying. That is a recipe for disaster.
Your notes are for you. If anyone tried to use my notes they would be better off trying to learn a foreign language. My notes were fragments of fragments and acronyms that make no sense except to me. This is because I distill my notes down into the things I need to remember and concepts I have tested myself on over and over again.
“Smart”
I don’t like the term “smart”. I know what people are trying to say when they say it – but I don’t like its connotation. It has this intrinsic connotation that because someone is “smart” that they don’t have to try as hard as everyone else to succeed.
Funnily enough, my dad never said I was smart either. He always used to say that I was “sharp”. Maybe he didn’t like the smart connotation either. Maybe I’ll ask him someday.
For this reason, I shy away from telling my kids they are smart. I tell them that they are blessed with good memories and the ability to grasp concepts quickly. However, that is just one step on the unending staircase of learning and knowledge. You may start on “the 1st step” while some other kids may start behind you or maybe other kids start in front of you… but it’s just “one step”.
Being “ahead” by one step on an endless staircase is meaningless in the long run. What matters is long term growth. Be aware of your strengths and weaknesses. Temper your strengths and improve your weaknesses. Welcome the opportunity to get better and be better.
When I talk to my kids now, I see they have the same kinds of issues I had when growing up. They don’t like to be wrong. I also challenge them much more and much sooner than I was challenged, so that’s understandable. However, I try to instill in them two different attitudes when they are trying something new or learning something new.
Is this for growth or is this for results?
My kids are so focused on getting everything right all the time. I try to explain to them, “How can you get something right when you’re seeing it for the first time?” “How are you going to make a 3 point when you learned how to shoot a basketball yesterday?”
If that was the case, then there would be no learning and there would be no practice, you would just see something and know how to do it. Does that make sense? (No)
Ok then, you just started this new concept called quadratic equations. This is your first time learning it, the chances of you getting everything right related to quadratic equations is essentially zero. You are doing this for GROWTH.
The results don’t matter, you are learning the concept and practicing the utilization and manipulation of the concept. I don’t care whether you get 100% or 0% on these worksheets. What I care about is whether you are learning and understanding.
Next step, we’ve done quadratic equations for a few weeks now. You are pretty confident in what it is, how to manipulate it, etc. etc. Now, you have your test coming up next week – so now we need to focus on RESULTS.
You’ve spent the prior few weeks learning and honing so you can demonstrate your knowledge on the test. Now we need to make sure you know everything about quadratic equations so you can try to get your best score on the test. What are you still having difficulty with? (don’t lie to yourself!)
Teach me
If you really understand something, then you can teach it someone — so teach me. Basically, I make the kids teach me stuff, I want them to be able to Explain Like I’m 5 – a concept I picked up from Reddit.
Anyways, the ends my post on the “The Art of Studying”. It ended up being kind of longer than I thought it would, but I guess I had more to say than I thought.
Catch ya in the next one!
-Sensei
